One Year Later

    It's been a year. One year of Zoom calls and social distancing and wearing masks. One year without eating in a restaurant. One year since I've seen most people. One year of trying to be creative with date nights and parties. A twice-postponed wedding. One year of fear and anxiety and shock and disappointment. 

    I've been using the One Second Every Day app on my phone since the start of 2020. Looking at the year in review video, you can see exactly when things went down: my photos went from a mix of random, everyday things like Zorro and a fire alongside taking Trent to Disney on Ice (February 29), walking around the Strip District with Shelley (March 8), to suddenly unnerving moments. 

    We went to the movies on March 10 because Tuesday = $5 movies, and while sitting in a theater full of coughing people, I began to feel uneasy. Those feelings were confirmed when we went to Sam's Club, where pallets are stacked ceiling high with supplies, and it was nearly empty-- no toilet paper, nothing in the freezers, three cases of water. Our final trivia night with Ben & Katelyn (March 11), where the prizes went from cool things like free growlers to toilet paper, as a joke... or not. Our food tasting for our wedding (March 12) where everyone sat distanced, and when we prepared to leave, Shelley shared that schools were closing and I watched the color drain from my mother's face. 

    I went with my mum after work on Friday, March 13 to pick up Pippin, her baby bunny that Shelley, Elizabeth, and I coerced her into getting. Pip was in a box on the porch and we were instructed to leave the money under the mat. When my mum stopped at the store to get food for Shelley's birthday dinner, I sat in the car with Pip. The lot was completely full, and it took quite some time. I looked up from time to time as sunset became twilight and finally my mum emerged with a few bags. I've known her long enough (my entire life) to know her emotions, and I could immediately tell she was trying not to cry. When she opened the door, she was shaking. People were fighting right in front of her, she said. Pushing and shoving and screaming and grabbing things-- she managed to get the last bit of beef and a box of pasta and some stewed tomatoes and a can of paste-- things to make spaghetti and meatballs per Shelley's request. 

    The following day, we went to Mum's to have cherry pie and pasta for Shelley and worried about what was to come. The news alerts were coming in constantly. The day after, March 15, I went to work with Shelley to prep a big catering order she had. The following day, Shelley's actual birthday, the world shut down. From there, every photo for a few weeks was just Zorro & Ru, plants, coloring pages, baking... 

I lost myself for a minute there. 

I think we all did. 

But from that time came hope and resilience. We learned to adjust to life with masks and social distancing (well, most of us did) to care for ourselves and others. It was an act of selflessness and love and sacrifice. Holidays were celebrated creatively. Trips were cancelled. We stayed home because we cared, and learned how to foster our relationships in different ways. We SAW ourselves, and each other, possibly for the first time, because we were all stripped to the rawest essence of who we are, and forced to awaken to the reckoning that awaited in the form of things like BLM and the election. We adapted and overcame and persisted. 

Now, there is hope on the horizon. There is a chance for us to come out of this-- not to "go back to normal" (because what even IS normal, anyway?!) but to take what we've learned about ourselves and each other and carry it with us always, to become better versions of the empty, broken husks of humanity we were before. Now we know what it is to rest. Now we know what it is to talk to one another with the empathy and compassion of a shared experience and apply that to ALL aspects of life beyond a worldwide pandemic. 

Initially, I wanted this to be more of a list of the things that have gotten me through this past year, as sort of a time capsule for me to look back on. I am going to include that here, and encourage you to peruse it if you're looking for something fresh to get you through the next few months. We're not there yet, but we're close. Stay strong, live well, and spread the love. 

Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2020 (and 2021 so far): 

• dining al fresco at home 
• plants (so many)
• coloring
• the wild bunny in our yard we dubbed Chester 
• Nintendo Switch
• virtual tours 
• puzzles 
• "Schitt's Creek"
• Disney+
• watching "Seinfeld" from episode 1 of the first season all the way through 
• "Gilmore Girls"
• celebrating our would-be wedding weekend at Trough Creek with a slice of rainbow cake 
• hiking and all the programs at Raccoon
• learning to skateboard
• learning to paddleboard 
• baking ultimate chocolate cake 
• our backyard oasis 
• cheese pizza 
• riding bikes 
• celestial events 
• online shopping (secondhand) -- as much as I hate to admit this, at least it is sustainable!
• seeing the good in each day with a post and caption on Instagram (as basic as it sounds)
• gratitude journaling 
• praying without ceasing-- the brightest joys, the deepest gratitudes, and the greatest fears 
• "Life as We Knew It" series
• Harry Potter series 
• "Where the Crawdads Sing"
• "Tooth & Claw"
• "Is This Anything?" made me laugh so much 
• "We'll Always Have Paris" whisked me off on travels 
• the release of "Midnight Sun"
• the brief moments I felt like cooking dinner (thanks, Hello Fresh!)
• seeing masks as a fashion opportunity instead of a fashion hindrance 
• video messaging my sister 
• discovering essential oils 
• my mum and our phone calls 
• fire side chats and camping with our little quarantine bubble 
• Zoom game nights with friends 
• brightening up our bedroom 
• creating new traditions in the midst of the old 
• Zorro & Ru 
• music 
• Vogue magazine 
• The New Yorker-- especially the cartoons (they have their own Instagram page)
• stepping up my clothing game when I leave the house (why not get dressed up to get groceries?)
• Hocking Hills for NYE with fireworks, champagne, kisses, and a wish for a happy & healthy 2021
• Shelley, always. 

Connecting with My Inner Child

"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age, and at a certain age the child is grown, and puts away childish things." ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

I was a very imaginative child. In the midst of clapping out tales of Miss Susie and her steamboat, chasing neighbors around at dusk during Ghosts in the Graveyard, or making life-altering decisions using odds/evens or bubble gum in a dish, I was making barrettes talk, using my bed as an airplane, and gathering the giant leaves from the cigar tree in my grandparents' yard to build a "flying machine" that would take me, Elizabeth, and our cousins to destinations on the dusty maps we found in the garage. We blew bubbles, fought over the "good" bicycle in the shed, and pretended we were cool riding our scooters from one end of the driveway to the other with chocolate ice cream running down our arms.

I feel like I am regressing in quarantine. Anxiety can only take so much. I don't mean this in a negative way. I mean this more in that quarantine brings out my inner child. Somewhere along the way, for some of us sooner than others, we lose touch with the part of us that laughs freely, wears mismatched socks, and lays in the grass making pictures out of clouds. We stop playing, become jaded, and live to work, eat, and sleep. Maybe we meet friends for a drink or we watch a movie, but overall there is a lot of time staring at phones or televisions or indulgences that blur the edges, but it is not quite as freeing. We live for the few days a year we can take a vacation somewhere foreign and acceptable to "play", to take a break from the monotony of paying bills and working to afford a sanctuary.

Even as a child, I knew the other kids who wanted to rush to grow up were falling for a ruse I didn't necessarily want to hurry to be a part of. Aging is a privilege I am incredibly grateful for, but I wish we were able to do so in a way where we weren't losing possibly the best parts of ourselves-- innocence, idealism, possibility, and sheer joy.

Cut to quarantine.

When this first started back in March, I felt like I blew a fuse. I had curated a routine in my adult life, and suddenly things did not compute. It doesn't take much more than my few college classes in psychologist to let me know that I, like so many others I'd read about in The New Yorker or Vogue, was regressing to a simpler time.

It started with coloring. A box of 120 Crayola crayons and some pictures Shelley printed off for me, while the news imploded in the background. Gardening-- so many plants there is barely room to sit on the porch, but I still do, and I've discovered something peaceful in the life outside. Our walks to get outside and get me out of the house for the first time in literally two months became hikes-- adventures where we saw snakes and rabbits and weird bugs and weasels. I ordered a kiddie pool from Target when this first started and spent the entirety of Independence Day basking in it.

I've built puzzles and eaten s'mores. We have gone biking almost every day-- something that I didn't even learn to do until the Easter I was 10 and haven't done much of since, but it's become a way for us to work out and be outside. I find myself gravitating towards colorful clothes (so much tie dye, and the bright marigold pants Shelley surprised me with) and favorite books (Twilight, Wuthering Heights, Harry Potter...).

I've lost track of things like cute clothes or wearing makeup in light of a good Hanes t-shirt and time spent with people I care about-- albeit virtually more often than not. I've finally talked Shelley into re-watching "Seinfeld" with me, from the Season 1 pilot through the finale, and I've laughed so much. We play Mario Kart with friends or my sister on FaceTime.

These are good things. This is my way of playing the hand the world's been dealt. And yes, there have been some days where I've lain in bed for an hour after I woke staring at my phone. There have been tears and frustrations and aggravation-- at the state of the world, and particularly our country. There has been so much insomnia. There have been days I've disconnected and not talked to anyone because I just didn't have anything to say. But overall, this time is truly a gift. We should not "go back to normal" because we didn't really have a normal. We were getting by, but it wasn't great. I've grown even more introspective during this time, and I want to use the optimism and freedom to be a better version of me-- the version of me I love best, the one who is young and open, because those are good things.

Recently, I bought a skateboard. I've never been brave enough to try that before. I think when we get to a certain point in life, we stop trying new things because we don't like to be novice at anything. It's awkward. It's messy. It's uncomfortable. It's embarrassing.

Yesterday, after seeing me try to balance on it in the living room a few times, Shelley found a parking lot for me to practice. Because I move through life in a series of flailing arms and legs, I was helmeted and padded up, but I did it! Shelley watched me, cautious, supportive, anxious-- the kind of love you need to feel when you're trying something new. And I encourage you to try something new with this time, whatever it is that you've always wanted to try but never did. Your 10-year-old self would love it.

Revamping Our Bedroom on a Budget

I've spent a lot of time at home lately-- like, every day, all day, nonstop, since March 14th. I am obviously not alone in that. While some of my humble readership may live in climates where opting outside is an option, here, more often than not, we've been under a pretty constant cover of rain, clouds, and even snow. As such, I've spent a lot of time staring at our tiny space and trying to figure out how to update it without a) breaking the bank or b) losing our rental deposit (aka no painting, floors, etc.).

Considering that we spend about 1/3 of our lives sleeping, and about 7 years of our lives trying to get to sleep, I decided to start in the bedroom.

Shelley and I moved in together about five years ago, and in that time we have not once updated our bedroom space. We admittedly didn't do much research into our bedroom suit (and as a result have vowed that next time, we will measure the depth of the drawers to ensure they fit more than two pairs of sweatpants). We've had the same bed-in-a-bag in our colors (blue and green). Over Christmas, I hung a wreath above our bed, and it's stayed there because it added a little pizazz. It was time for a refresher.

One thing we decided to do was treat ourselves to new sheets. There's a set we had on our Macy's wedding registry with a pretty high thread count and a gorgeous sea glass color, so we went with those. Typically, we use the bamboo sheets from Aldi (which are surprisingly soft and amazing), but these are beyond compare.

We also went with a new comforter. I've always wanted one of those big, fluffy white ones that seems like you're sleeping in a cloud or in some tropical resort, and Shelley has always wanted a down comforter. Pretty much since the time we got engaged, I've been seeing ads for any and every place that sells invitations, home goods, bedding, or jewelry. One that kept popping up over and over was The Company Store, so we checked there. I am allergic to like, everything, so we went with down alternative in a medium thickness, and we got a white linen duvet cover for it.

I tried to tidy up my nightstand a little-- I tend to use it as a catch-all for my jewelry, essential oils, my water, my journals, my books... but I've made an effort to keep it tidy and added a little fake succulent too. Our entire downstairs has live plants everywhere, but the bedroom doesn't get much natural light and I don't want to kill them all. Keeping it minimal allows me to be in a clear headspace before bed, which makes me much calmer.

The best part about the bedding is that it is as fluffy as I expected it to be-- and maybe quarantine is making me a little loopy, but I jumped on the bed for the first time in many years.

If you're looking to spice up your space on a budget, you can use this link and save $50 off your purchase!

Creating a Cozy Home Office Space

I've been lucky enough to work from home for a little over a year now. It has taken me nearly that long to get my space into somewhere that is clear and cozy, and while it's still not perfect, it is-- like everything-- a work in progress.

Plants, candles, and tiny treasures 

My "office" is also my "studio" which houses my guitars and my bass, my canvases and paints, my books, my yoga mat, my cameras, and my elliptical. It's a bit of a hodge podge in there, but everything has its own place, and when working with only so much room, it is what it is.

I figured that not everyone has the luxury of a "studio" space and even though that is true and you may be working from the breakfast nook or you have a chair pulled up to your ironing board, you can still make your space somewhere zen and give yourself coziness and a moment of reprieve between calls or classes or crunching numbers.

Salt lamps & crystals

One of the biggest things for me is lighting. I do NOT remotely miss the glaring, headache-inducing fluorescent lights of office space. I have an IKEA lamp Shelley bought me when I first decided to work from home, a salt lamp (which apparently has many benefits), and I strung up fairy lights to give it a nice glow. Every once in a while I'll light a candle, which adds to the ambiance and also obviously smells good (I burn candles all the time because it relaxes me).

During my free periods, I like to listen to music in the background because I feel like it makes me more efficient. I added a few photos, a crystal hanging, and some quotes on post-its as well.

I'm a recent convert to plants and all the mood-boosting benefits that come along with those, so I usually have one sitting on my desk during my shift and then I'll move it downstairs to water it later.

I wanted a little rug to put out under my desk to sort of designate that space from the rest of what's happening in there, so I found one here that arrived quickly and was even prettier in person. It's a nice pop of color (even though I put it over an existing carpet...alas). 

Create Your Own Standing Desk! :D

One other thing that I recommend is a standing option of some sort. I have created something that isn't exactly aesthetically pleasing compared to the rest of my setup, but it works (and it was free). Obviously you could buy a standing desk, but I stacked some boxes and have the option of standing while I work or sitting if I just arrange some things. I have been doing this since I got home, so I can say it is effective (albeit unsightly).

I know some of you are working with what you have. You're sharing a space with kids, you have pets to deal with, your spouse is home, you live alone and haven't left the house in 30 days... A lot of the ideas I shared here can either be ordered online or could be something you already have lying around. You'd be surprised what a difference a candle and a string of twinkle lights can have on your mood and productivity.

If you try any of these ideas (including my high class standing desk) let me know if they help, or feel free to leave me a suggestion in the comments!

Small Joys

It's been nearly three weeks since the birthday dinner my mum threw for Shelley-- just the three of us and Pip, having dinner and cherry pie. Three weeks since I've left the house. It's easy to get caught up in thinking about things we're all missing out on: birthdays, trips, weddings, face-to-face connections.

Today, I felt my little temper get the best of me (between both grandmothers and my mother, I was doomed) as I heard people out in the neighborhood acting like it's block party time, and my car is making a thumping noise, and people are being laid off, and this is still happening for another month because people who are able to stay home can't just stay home...

Then I decided to focus on the small joys in my life. In times of uncertainty, I feel like it's better to look on the bright side. I could let my anxiety overwhelm me-- and honestly, that's happened a few times over the last couple of weeks. I am choosing joy though. I choose to look at this time with gratitude.

I am safe at home. I still have the ability to do my job (perks of already working from home).

I still get to sing in the shower and dance around the kitchen with Shelley while we make dinner.

I've been looking for ways to romanticize my life-- to enjoy the little things, like sunny days and plants and mugs of tea, chocolate, face masks, and meditation/prayer.

I have enough food and a place to be safe.

I have time to CREATE: to work on my blog, to write my book, to paint, to do yoga or Pilates.

I get to be home with Shelley. She makes me laugh and makes me feel safe. Even though things are scary, this closeness and togetherness reminds me of when we go on vacations and have unlimited time to cultivate inside jokes and love. I suppose I chose well, because after three weeks of constant companionship, I am still happy to be around her.

I like getting to snuggle Zorro and read while he nudges me, demanding head rubs.

I enjoy the time I get to create a space we love; rearranging and adjusting our cozy little home or reworking my studio space.

I have learned to love myself, even if it's me without mascara, wearing second day sweatpants and a French braid I slept in.

It's the art of slowing down, taking a breath, and exhaling.

We are HERE. Take this time to be present in each moment and focus on the gratitude. Let yourself luxuriate in some sort of indulgence. Light a candle. Eat chocolate. Pray. Create. Love. Romanticize your life instead of browsing around a store because you are bored. Yes, I miss everyone. Yes, I want to enjoy the springtime. But truly, this time could be a gift, if we all slowed down enough to appreciate it.

"Count it all joy."
~ James 1:2

Pantry Potluck

When I was a child, we were in the "robbing Peter to pay Paul" category as far as finances go. This wasn't something I truly processed until later, partially because we were raised to be appreciative for what we had and not ask for more, and partly because my mum is a wiz in the kitchen. She could take a box of penne, a single chicken breast, and a can of black olives and somehow create a delicious, filling meal with leftovers.

Found a box of poppyseed muffin mix in the pantry!

I come from a long line of comfort cooks, and am fortunate enough to have a partner who creates dishes with plate presentation to rival a five-star restaurant even though we're just sitting in our little living/dining room.

I did not inherit this gene.

I can take any of the sort of one-pot meals-- chili, spaghetti sauce, and I make one hell of a pot roast-- but anything that involves timing evades me. If you, also, find yourself lacking Hello Fresh-level meal prep as you rake the back of your pantry for some random can of garbanzo beans or a lone bag of mixed vegetables, I am sharing some recipes cultivated from a few of my nearest and dearest to give you some inspiration. Remember, if you don't have a certain ingredient, improvise! Cooking is a lot more forgiving than baking.

Mum's Meat Pie "I made it up!"
1) Take 3/4 pound ground meat, finely chopped onion, and sautee until browned.
2) Season with salt, pepper, garlic powder.
3) Pour in some beef broth for flavor.
4) Shred 1/2 cup baby carrots and add that plus baby portobello mushrooms in butter and sautee. Mix with meat.
5) Pour into pie crust and cover with layer of dough. Add ventilation holes.
6) Bake like you'd bake a pie-- 350* for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

Liz's Gnocchi Chowder "real cozy & chowdery"
1) Sautee vegetables (onion, carrot, celery, peas, green beans, corn-- whatever you have on hand) for six minutes; add garlic and sautee 2 minutes longer
2) Add broth, rosemary, thyme, nutmeg, salt, and pepper to taste
3) add chicken (raw, and optional), bring soup to a boil, reduce to medium low, and then simmer for 8-12 minutes.
4) Make a roux-- melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat, add flour, stir constantly one minute.
5) Make bechamel sauce-- while whisking vigorously, pour in milk and continue to whisk to smooth any lumps. Salt and pepper to taste. Cook until mixture thickens, add in cream, remove from heat.
6) Once chicken reaches 165*, remove chicken from soup and allow it to rest for five minutes before dicing into pieces.
7) Add gnocchi, cook for about 7 minutes.
8) Reduce soup mixture to low heat, stir in milk mixture.
9) Add in cooked chicken and spinach. Cook until spinach wilts.
10) Serve with warm Romano cheese if desired.

Paige Taylor's Brussels Sprouts "I don't measure shit"
1) Cut Brussels sprouts into quarters.
2) Sautee on stove with olive oil.
3) Add gruyere cheese, salt, pepper, minced garlic, and lemon juice to taste.
4) Cook until dark.

Ben's Crockpot Nachos "A 735 Potluck Favorite" 
1) In a crockpot, combine 2 cans of beans, 1 can of corn, 1 jar of salsa, 1 chicken breast, and Red Hot (to taste) for four hours.
2) Shred the chicken.
3) Toss in a bar of cream cheese and cheddar. Melt for 15-20 minutes.
4) Serve with chips.

Jen's Amazing Skinny Chicken Fried Cauliflower Rice "It's pretty good and healthy"
1) Combine 1 egg and 2 egg whites in a small bowl. Beat with fork, set aside.
2) Coat a large non-stick pan with coconut oil and heat over medium high heat. Stir in cauliflower rice and 1 teaspoon of minced garlic. Stir fry for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3) Add 1 cooked, diced chicken breast. Stir fry 1 minute. Add in 1/2 cup scallions, 1 cup frozen peas and carrots, 1 cup of chopped celery, and 3 tablespoons coconut aminos.
4) Cook about 3 minutes until heated through.
5) Push mixture to sides of pan, coat pan with oil, and add egg mixture. Cook about 1 minute. Add sesame oil, pepper, and stir fry all ingredients together.

X's Italian Sausage & Orzo Soup "Freeze without the orzo and add that when heating up"
1) Heat olive oil in a pan and add 1/2 chopped onion and garlic. Sautee until onion softens.
2) Roughly break Italian sausages into small chunks; sautee 6 minutes.
3) Deglaze pot by adding stocks. Scrape pan to remove any brown bits and stir in tomatoes.
4) When stock comes to a boil, stir in Orzo pasta, oregano, basil, red chili flakes, salt, and pepper.
5) Cover and let cook for 10-12 minutes over medium heat, until Orzo is almost cooked.
6) Stir in 2 cups of spinach and let it cook for two minutes. Remove from heat.
7) Stir in 1/4 cup of half-and-half and 1 cup of grated Parmesan cheese.

Quarantine PB Cookies  "for your blog"
1) Combine 1 egg, 1 cup of peanut butter, and 1 cup of sugar in a bowl.
2) Bake at 325* for 10-12 minutes.

Mum's Quarantine Banana Bread "Eggs are scarce!"
1) Take one beaten egg, 3 very ripe bananas (mashed), 1 tsp. of vanilla, 5 & 1/3 tablespoons melted butter, 1 & 1/2 cups flour, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking soda, and a pinch of salt. Combine in large bowl.
2) Pour into floured loaf pan.
3) Bake at 375* for 40 minutes or so.