Creating the Life I Love

Sometimes, we don't give ourselves enough credit-- I know I don't. I often talk with my friends and hear about how they always feel they should be doing more, better, everything: houses aren't clean enough, too much screen time, not enough time to relax, not enough quality time, not enough fresh air, too many activities, not enough activities, not healthy enough, too overweight, too much work, too anxious, etc.

I definitely fell into that trap a lot over the last couple of years. I have always been a busy person. I was always working a couple of jobs, freelancing, and going to school full time. Once I finished grad school (again), got a full time job, and my freelancing sources dried up, I was down to one 40 hour a week job. That's it. I was BORED. Moreover, I felt guilty about having free time. I was used to working most of the hours of my day, eating whatever I could in the alley at my bartending job in the evening, catching a run somewhere in there, and then hanging out with friends later. Sleep was not essential.

Having free time and relaxing was bizarre. And then the guilty feelings about chilling out morphed into anxiety-- should I be doing something right now? From there, my full-blown anxiety disorder was born. Woohoo. Because of the nature of my job, anxiety definitely ebbs and flows at different points in the calendar year, and thankfully we're currently at a low point. However, I've been trying different things to zen out and learn how to relax. Yoga, prayer, gratitude journaling, and meditation have helped me a lot.

Gratitude began for me with The Five Minute Journal I've talked about a few times, but I was talking with my friend Paige Taylor Kauff about it, and she told me I need to go deeper with my mindset and develop a mantra to refocus my negative thoughts into something positive.

I caught up with Paige recently about her business, Paige Taylor Coaching, and interviewed her about her mindset and meditation work. Paige and I met when we were 13 and have stayed friends over nearly 20 years, through many ups and downs. We both got to a point where we decided to take control of our lives and move forward in a positive way, and I'm happy to have her guidance along the journey.

"There is so much happiness to be found once you get out of your own way."

What led you to create Paige Taylor Coaching? 
Paige: I got into mindset work and manifestation a few years back, and as I started changing my daily life, I felt myself changing, my mind and my mood and my overall being changing. I realized, holy shit, there's something to this. It's not just thinking some positive things and then I can face the day for a while in a more positive manner; it became my way of life. It is the single best thing I've ever done for myself-- choosing to take control of my life, to trust that I can be a happy person, not just when everything's going right, but waking up and expecting everything to go right and knowing how to navigate when it doesn't.
It's like knowing a secret that makes everything better. Would you keep it to yourself if it could help anyone you knew?

Definitely not!
Paige: Like I truly changed my life, and I started by trying to help other people-- mostly those who didn't ask or weren't ready-- and after a while it just became clear this is something I was meant to do. I started coaching so that I could inspire others the way coaches have inspired me. When people are ready and wanting to make real change, I'm here for you.

I get a lot of motivation from the people who inspire me to be better-- Shelley, my family... Who inspires you? 
Paige: Anyone with a vision and a purpose, who isn't afraid to speak their mind. Anyone who is unapologetically themselves.
There is something so sexy about confidence and not being afraid to show the world who you are. I like a person who says, "I'm gonna do this" and then you see them a month later or a year later and they're doing that thing. There is a lesson to be learned by those kinds of people.
I'm inspired by my clients and anyone who has the power to stand up and say, "Hey, this isn't how I saw my life going" or "You know, I'm really not happy" and instead of sitting in that stuck feeling and wallowing, they hire a coach, they take a workshop, they learn all about mindset, and they take the power back. I never wanted to be a victim in my life; self-victimizing is a decision. There is so much happiness to be found once you get out of your own way.

Is that your favorite part of what you do?
Paige:  For me, it's all about giving women the realization that they have all the power they need inside themselves. I don't even have to be working with a client. If something I say on Instagram resonates with someone, and they tell me how much they needed to hear that message, that feeling is indescribable. I love being able to be a light in the dark for someone, sharing a message at the right time, and being the person who they needed to hear it from.

"Strive for positivity, but be authentic."

One of the things you had me do was develop a personal mantra. Every day, I tell myself "I am healthy, strong, safe, and calm. I am creating the life I love." What is the significance of developing a personal mantra? 
Paige: Mantras are great because they're like reminders of whatever it is you're trying to get into your head. The way our brains work, it's like walking outside in the winter, and there's all this snow everywhere, but you've made this distinct walkway by walking the same path every day. And you're walking down this path for years because it's easy and familiar and you don't have to even think about it anymore. That's like you telling yourself constantly that you are worthless, or bad at saving money, or always late, or any of those other stories we constantly tell ourselves. They become our reality, our truth.
But what if you decided to walk outside and start a new path one day? It would be hard at first. That snow has been building for years. It's so much easier to walk that same path that we've been forming forever. So we start making a new path, and every day it gets easier, and the footprints get more set in, until we aren't really thinking about it anymore: we have a new path.
That's how something we tell ourselves becomes ingrained in our subconscious-- that old path slowly gets covered up by new snow until it disappears, and the story we want to tell ourselves is the default. It becomes our new reality.
That's the tip of the iceberg when it comes to rewiring your brain, but it's why mantras work. Repetition is everything.

I'm sure nearly everyone has read at least one self-help book or heard about mindset coaching. What is it that sets your coaching apart? 
Paige: You know, we're mostly all teaching the same things-- it's not like I'm making any of this up. I think everyone has their own unique story, and you might be ready to learn something from me that you wouldn't have listened to from someone else. Back when I wouldn't be caught dead reading a self-help book, Jen Sincero really spoke to me. Her energy and her attitude was relatable to me. She was the way I was supposed to get that message, and I know I'm that person for others. Everyone has their own spin on things. I've been told before, "I've heard that, but I didn't get it until you explained it like that" -- we all relate to people differently.

"Make life as luxurious and wonderful as you can."

I've written a couple posts since the pandemic hit about finding small joys or connecting with my inner child as ways to help me quiet my soul. What is your favorite way to calm the storm?   
Paige: Great question. I think so many times we're trying to calm something when in reality we're seeing the same storm over and over because we aren't facing it. People have this misconception about manifestation and New Age-type work, that we're saying "just be positive!" and that couldn't be further from the truth. Strive for positivity, but be authentic. We shove everything deep down because we don't want to feel-- we don't want to deal with negative emotions, but where do they go? They're all in there still, affecting us on a deeper level, and eventually they need to come out. There is nothing wrong with a storm. Life is 50/50, yin/yang, light/dark. You have to embrace both sides and ask yourself what the universe is teaching you. The best thing to do is to feel it all. Get it out. Journal on it, scream, cry, try EFT, and then ask yourself, "Where do I want to go from here? How can I heal this and move on? What am I making this mean?" Listen to a guided meditation. Do yoga. Journal more. Do something that brings you peace. Light some candles. Take a bubble bath. Make life as luxurious and wonderful as you can. Nothing is guaranteed. Every day you wake up is a new chance to conquer your life. You should be jumping out of bed every day so excited to see what will happen next. And if you're not, you should work with me. :)

Paige is starting a free three day training on manifesting, and can be reached by email at  paige@thepaigetaylor.com.
Instagram: @paigetalorkauff
Website: https://paigetaylorcoaching.com/

Things to Do as the Weather Cools

August rushed in fairly quickly, bringing with it the cicadas and slightly cooler temperatures that make the end of summer seem inevitable and had me yearning for sweaters and flannel-scented candles-- especially after the last two days of scorching heat.

Shelley and I spent the first week of August enjoying the rain with a few of our favorite things to do once the weather cools-- not cold enough to necessarily warrant autumnal activities, but definitely things we couldn't bring ourselves to do during the incessant 90+ degree days. Here's a list of some end of summer favorites!

1) Go for a hike. Find a new trail and go for it!

2) Have a bonfire-- a nice way to social distance among friends; plus, s'mores. Always s'mores. 

3) Have a movie marathon (good for rainy days). 

4) Have a game night (ditto).

5) Cook a meal and eat it on the porch. 

6) Go to the greenhouse and pick out some plants. By the end of summer, my garden is either exploding or pretty sad, and I like to have some greenery inside with us too. 

7) Ride bikes-- infinitely more fun sans humidity. 

8) Watch a movie outside-- projector, laptop, whatever works. 

9) Go stargazing-- you probably don't need to leave your yard for this one. 

10) Catch a summer sunset together-- those colors are unreal. Grab a blanket, find a spot, and go!

Yesterday, we went on a two hour hike and explored among the wildflowers. It was a little warm in the sun, but the shade of the trees made it worth it! There were so many butterflies, bees, and beautiful colors. Summer is hurrying away, and even though I can't wait to break into the goodness of fall, I am still looking forward to doing the activities on our list before that happens!