Thoughts at the End of Pride Month

Maya Angelou once said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

This is a post I've written and rewritten mentally several times in the last few years. I've always held off because I try not to be too vocal, too opinionated, too controversial... but why not? This is, after all, my blog. My voice matters, and my audience, however small, deserves authenticity.

This Pride month has been quite different. As an ally to the BLM movement, I have stood aside along with other LGBT members, to provide a space for black voices to be heard. I am hopeful that the past few weeks of protesting and education and little black Instagram squares will continue to be a movement that inspires change, just as Marsha P. Johnson did when she threw that first brick at Stonewall 51 years ago.

I have often heard people say Pride month is unnecessary, and the same people who say "Why isn't there a white history month?" lament that there is not a straight pride month. These people are missing the point.

Pride 2019

Pride exists for a reason. Pride exists because people were jailed and beaten simply for existing and being their truest selves. Imagine if you had to live in fear that you would be murdered simply for who you love or how you dress. Imagine being told you could not adopt a child, or have medical services, or be married, or serve in the military, or get a cake from a certain bakery, just because you were your authentic self. Until five years ago this month, LGBT people were not able to be married. Just five years-- barely longer than Shelley and I have been together.

Many people argue that Pride is unnecessary-- that we could just exist because "we have the same rights" and "why does it have to be shoved down our throats?" For the record, Pride is also not about telling anyone what goes on behind closed doors. In fact, it is often straight people I've interacted with who ask those sorts of questions, as if it is my job as someone in the LGBT community to educate you on what I do in my bedroom, or speak for gay men-- which I am not, and I have no idea what happens in there because it is none of my business any more than straight peoples' private liaisons. Pride is more about the protection of being who we are, and being seen. It is about accepting who you were born to be and not trying to hide or deny it. THAT is Pride.

In my line of work, I spend a lot of time encouraging people to be true to themselves. It is important to be respectful to yourself, but also to respect others. Misconceptions form ignorance which breeds hatred. Knowledge is the key here. Knowledge leads to understanding. Understanding leads to acceptance. Acceptance leads to love. Jesus is love, so to me, it is as simple as practicing what we preach. This is a truth so simple that it is crazy to me that people don't get it. Just be KIND. You don't need to understand me or anyone who is different from you, but if you try to, I promise you will learn that we all have more in common than not.

My faith is the most important thing to me. It breaks my heart to see how many people in the LGBT+ community have lost their faith just because other people tell them they are going to burn in hell for their choices. They think God has turned His back on them, which could not be further from the truth. God loves everyone, and He is the only one who can pass judgment on any of us for our sins (and love is not a sin). My prayer is that the lost ones find their way home and know His love and comfort; that they do not allow other people with flaws to determine their relationship with the Creator. When I first came out, I spent a lot of time struggling with my Catholic upbringing and the overwhelming draw I felt towards my now-fiancee. I read the Bible. I prayed. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and acceptance and freedom at being me and letting my soul shine to its full capacity. I am not perfect-- like every other person on this planet, I am a flawed human who makes mistakes and fails and learns. I am messy. I sin. I fall. I pursue and endure. But with all of that, I am confident my relationship is not my sin.

Last year, Shelley, Mum, Elizabeth, and I went to drag bingo at a fire hall in a fairly conservative area. In between bingo cards, the queens came out to perform. Two performances were moving and had people in tears. One was by our friend Scott, aka Vivian Le Cher, who is always encouraging people to "Cher the love!" She came out and used ASL to sign "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman, and this group of conservative people were standing and clapping and crying. To me, this proves how important visibility and representation are in educating people to just be accepting. Another queen, Sabrina, came out and gave a performance that I still often think about. She came out in full drag, and began performing to this song (please take a moment to listen to the lyrics) and throughout the performance, sat at a vanity and began removing the padding, wig, and makeup that put her in drag. That performance, combined with the lyrics, had the room so quiet and full of tears you could hear a pin drop.

Drag culture is so iconic. RuPaul sort of paved the way and made it acceptable and mainstream, and now queens influence today's culture in everything from dance moves to makeup tips, from language to fashion. "I think it's nice to be a little magical. Today, we need this." ~ Klaus Nomi. What is more magical than a queen?
As RuPaul said, "We're all born naked and the rest is drag," so who cares if you feel more comfortable in makeup or in men's clothes or high heels with khakis? Just accept that people will be authentically themselves, and that that variety is what makes life worth living. We were not placed here to judge one another.

The point here is not about caring what people think. This is a post about being who we are born to be. This is a post about visibility and representation. It is about educating ourselves, to learn about people who are different and embrace those differences. It is about change-- lean into it. In a time where we are on a very slippery slope with an administration that is doing everything possible to strip away freedoms of anyone who is not rich, white, straight, or male, being kind is essential. Being an ally is essential.

I am unapologetically me, which is something I have been moving towards my entire life. I've never been the most popular person-- my mum always said I marched to the beat of my own drum and basically was born 40-- but I never cared. I was just me. I am marrying a woman. For me, it is everything to do with her soul. She is the kindest, funniest, most thoughtful person I have ever met, and it is a privilege to love her. Love truly is love, and in a world where we have so little of that, it is important to spread that love as much as we can.